Em Halls making a difference - God gives us love beyond reason

New Blog

Mon, 11 May 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Here: http://desperateponderings.blogspot.com is my new blog. I decided that I needed a different blog. So there it is.

Love,

I Will Not Be Ashamed

Fri, 17 Apr 2009 00:00:00 GMT

"It is always three o'clock in the morning, day after day"

Scott Fitzgerald

Life has been really mundane lately. I seem to have absolutely no motivation. On a normal day I would be loading the dishwasher, cleaning the counters, doing laundry and just tidying up the house, but just taking a shower takes will power. While the recent events have definitely weighed in on this, there is something much deeper that I am very hesitant to talk about.

I AM not ashamed of my faith, or my occupation. I am not ashamed of my family (though the definitely embarrass me.)It is depression . . .

Because Whether they're in the church or not, tend to be unkind toward those who are depressed. There was a recent poll sponsored by the U.S. National Mental Health Association and half of those polled said that, even though they or their family members have suffered from depression, less than half considered it a health problem, and 43% saw it as a "sign of personal or emotional weakness." People everywhere seem to have little patience with those who suffer mentally. Many Christians seem to accept and even be willing to help those who are physically in need, but at the same time tend to have less sympathy for those who are depressed.

My father a couple years ago emailed me this sermon and it helped me to see that there is nothing to be ashamed of and that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I know that during this tough time is is very real to be going through "dark nights of the soul" but it is nothing to be ashamed of.

Grieving

Thu, 9 Apr 2009 00:00:00 GMT

I did not have the words at the moment to write but I wanted to let you know what is going on.

A friend and one of my former particpants Sarah Buller, who was a participant in Port Elizabeth, South Africa, was killed in an automobile accident on Sunday. And though they're rejoicing in heaven, we're all the poorer for it.

This is a copy of some of one of Seth Barnes blog enteries .

Her last blog entry a few weeks ago gives us a picture into her life: "We work with kids in the townships and I work with babies. Life is good here. some days are more crazy then others!!! My parents just come to see me! And it was GREAT! They got to see the whole team. We went to Swaziland a country with in South Africa. I LOVED IT! My Dad got to see old friends. I'm in love."

"In love" describes Sarah's life well. She was in love with life and with those around her. And they couldn't help feeling it. Recently she got a tattoo on her foot. It said love, and it had a bunch of stars around it. Each star represented one person in her family, one for mom, one for dad, and one for each of her eight siblings (four of whom are adopted). She wanted them to be with her wherever she went!

The local paper in Minnesota, where she was raised, posted this about Sarah.

If her home-going leaves us overwhelmed by sadness, we have the consolation of knowing that sometimes God loves us so much, he asks for our best. And in receiving Sarah into his loving arms, he got the best we had.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Please be praying for the team in P.E. that she left behind. They are grieving very hard right now and are trying to figure out what to do now, and of course for her family as they deal with this lose.

This verse gives me comfort and a glimpse of understanding. It gives me hope in a day to come.

"Good people pass away; the godly often die before their time. But no one seems to care or wonder why. No one seems to understand that God is protecting them from the evil to come." Isaiah 57:1

People are hurting right next door

Sun, 22 Feb 2009 00:00:00 GMT

A million thoughts are running through my head tonight. As I sit in a cold basement, watching the academy awards just trying to grasp this whole entertainment industry. Coming back to America has been an interesting experience for me. With this financial crisis that is facing us, the distinctions between here and there seem to be blurring. Everyday I hear of people losing their houses and their jobs, people destitute, jobs hard to find. Just yesterday I sat at the table and discussed with my father how seniors in college come may are going to have a hard if not impossible task of finding a job, competing with those who have been in their field for years but have recently been laid off.

Fear seems to be a common feeling, around everyone and no one seems to have a solution. But today as I sat in on another message about tithing but thankfully given a different perspective. At first I thought he was going to talk about tithing cause e was worried about money in his wallet but shortly in I realized the opposite was the case, he was worried about the money in our wallets. He talked of tithing as a tool that God has given us for successful budgeting. When we give our tithes and offerings with the right heart attitude are how paradigm shifts toward money.

When we give our firsts to God, a shimmer of hope seems to seep through the bleak days of this horrible recession.

It is our job as Christians to help those who are being weighed down by this economic climate.

Relationships

Sun, 8 Feb 2009 00:00:00 GMT

    First of all, I want to tell you that I am doing good. I enjoy spending time with my family, especially my little 17 month old nephew. He got so big while I was gone, it was so fun to come home and see him walking! It took my about 48 hours to get home. It took me even longer to get re-adjusted to the time change.

    Today, at church the pastor talked about the Prodigal son and how God has provided us with the opportunity to have a full and abundant life and how we do not live the kind of life that Jesus has provided us with. I think about how much I have let slip in this month that I have been home. Motivation is gone, the urgency to be in the word is gone, the feelings are gone. But that won't stop me! I will not let myself stay here, I will not sink into complacency. I have grown to much to let that happen.

    I am not having a spiritual crisis or anything like that. I have just realized this week how much harder I need to work on my relationship with Christ. Every relationship is work it doesn't matter if it is with a supernatural power or the person sitting next to you.

My Time With Aim

Sat, 17 Jan 2009 00:00:00 GMT

I sit & gaze up at a mountainous sky and I don't know where to start.

In December of 2005, I decided to go to England with AIM as an FYM. From then on I worked hard to support raise and get myself prepared.
In September 2006, I went to Georgia for the best and worst two weeks of my life. Living in tents, being eaten by fire ants, getting rained on every other day, tromping around in the mud. Being assaulted with things I have never heard of before and being challenged and pushed spiritually, and on top of it all meeting nine new people that I would spend the next nine months with.
From Georgia I went to England where I worked as a missionary from Mid-September to early May, with a month home for Christmas. During my time in England I dealt with and grieved many things that I hadn't had the time or freedom to before. In December I got really bad excema, that is still a problem to this day. Then in March, from all the stress and work I developed bad acid reflex and had to have a restricted diet and still watch carefully what I eat.
The Summer of 2007 I was home deciding whether to go to Georgia and be an intern in the AIM office or go to school in Des Monies. I choose Georgia and worked at Walmart for the remainder of the summer to earn some money.
I worked in the Office from September 2007 to June 2008. I helped out in the admissions department where I did a little bit of everything. The first semester was pretty tough, but after that I enjoyed working and helping AIM out and getting to know their participants.
While I was in Georgia one of the many tasks I was assigned was to recruit leaders for the 2008 FYM program. During that process I decided that was something that I would be interested in doing.
Since September I've been in Jeffreys Bay, South Africa. My role has basically been as an R.A. (which I say stands for Relational Assistant.) I got toliet paper, hand soap, did room checks (made sure their rooms were clean, did curfew checks, discipled two girls, helped lead a small group, lead a ministry team who ministered at 7th Heaven children's haven & helped organize logsitics and drive students around.

As you can tell I have been busy for a long time. At the end of this semester I evaluated what kind of spiritual, emotional and physical health I ws in to continue leading in South Afirca. I have come to the conclusion that I need to take some time for myself, get refreshed. I love the students that I was working with, and would have loved to continue on with what I was doing but I did not feel that was what God had called me to do. I love AIM and would love to work with them again at some point, but right now it just isn't the right fit.

God time

Fri, 28 Nov 2008 00:00:00 GMT

Last year when I worked in the office I interviewed people to go on the field. One of the questions that I asked was " Do you have a regular devotion time, and what is that like?" The answer was mostly the same. It was . . ."well it is rather infrequent, I have one at least a couple times a week. I'm excited for when I go on this trip. Because it's really hard for me to find time now and it will be so easy to find time and really spend good quality time with him." Unfortunately, quite the opposite is true. The longer you are on the field, the more you push yourself into a life of ministry, the busier you get and the harder it is for you to find time, by yourself with God. Because everything is centered around God we feel that we are getting two birds with one stone, but in truth we are just throwing our stone up in the air and hoping that it will hit something.

To serve God each day we need to spend time with just God, no other agenda in our minds. We do this to get refreshed and refilled. It's hard to spend time, there are so many things to get done. It is so easy to put that at the bottom of my list, but the truth is it needs to be at the top. It is the most crucial part of my day, the most crucial part of anyone's day. How can we ever hope to do anything for God? Without being in tune with him, and figuring out where his heart is and what he wants to do.

It's like a day without centering it first on God is just throwing constant stones up in the air, hoping to hit a bird, but in the process hitting myself and those in close proximity to me.

I'm very big on freedom in Christ, and having things not look like a formula, but at the same time I realize the importance of being filled, restored, and re-aimed each day. I think that can look totally different to each person. It might just be a prayer as you walk out the door, or it could be an hour spent in deep digging in the bible and intense prayer. I don't really care, but there has to be something.

God Loves ME!

Tue, 11 Nov 2008 00:00:00 GMT

The other night we were supposed to get together with a partner and tell them how God has been faithful in my life. I came to a sudden conclusion that gave me a new meaning to a perspective of God. I was reminded of how much I love my nephew, Aiden. Now, I feel I need to do a little explaining here. If anyone has know me for more than a week in these last two years knows just how much I love him.

He is my baby, at least that is what I call him. Aiden is the wallpaper on my desktop. Aiden is my screensaver. I have three pictures on my wall and two of them have him in it. I have a picture folder on my computer devoted just to Aiden. Whenever I get the chance to talk to home I spend half the time talking with/to him. I love him so much that I think my heart would explode if I love him anymore.

I had always heard this metaphor before but it was never real to me. It never really had sunken in. I didn't have kids. I didn't know what is was like to love someone just because of who they are. I mean I love my parents and relatives but it's different when there is never a time when you didn't remember loving them, and on the hard days to love them you remember that you have to. But with Aiden everything is different. There aren't any hard days to love him. There might be days were I'm frustrated with him, or he is being a real pain, but always an hour after he is asleep I miss him. I miss his presence and I can't wait until he wakes back up.

It is hard to even fathom that my God loves me like that. My God loves me THAT much, actually even more than that. That is just a drop in the bucket, in comparison to God's love for me.

Crying their tears

Fri, 31 Oct 2008 00:00:00 GMT

This week the girls that go to 7th heaven learned the stories of the children that we are with everyday. It really hit them hard. It turns out that Linda and cornelius have the same mother. Linda ran the house, she washed the diapers and prepared the food, and did all the laundry. Her mother slept with her boss, who once finding out that he had AIDS stabbed their mother. Cornelius was very sick and malnutritioned when Nelly got him, and she saved Linda from going to an institution.

(Picture of Angel below)

Tessa and Ronaldo are brother and sister as well. Their mother had many different boyfriends who were all abusive. Tessa would run to call the police. Because of that the boyfriend started tying Tessa to a tree. Tess would think when tied to the tree that there has to be a better life then this. Their mother ended up getting beaten to death in front of them.

Also, Nelly just got a 1 yr. old named Blessings. (Picture of him to the Right) His mother ran off in Febuary once she found out she had HIV. Then the father didn't want him so he gave him to a neighbor, but then the other day the father told her that she would have to choose between him and the baby (I think they were in a relationship) so she choose the father. So Nelly just went to Court the other day and adopted him.

The girls really took the stories hard. Two of them cried the whole night that they found out. Pray for them as they continue to love on these kids.

A Week of Craziness

Thu, 9 Oct 2008 00:00:00 GMT

I could write a long list of everything that I have done this week. It is safe to say I've done a lot. Without God I would be crazy, stressed out ball, but God provides in miraculous ways. Tomorrow at 8 am, we pull out for Somerset East. We will be there for over a week doing Beat The Drum. Beat The Drum is a Aid's awareness and education program that also teaches about the Love of God. I am super excited to see what God has in store for this time.

Nelly just adopted a baby girl named Angel (or enza). I am pretty sure that I wrote about her in my last blog. Basically her mother was feeding her flour and water, because that was all that she had to feed her. So this 7 month old baby looks more like a 2 month old. She is rapidly improving under Nelly's care, the only thing is Nelly needs quite a lot to care for her. So if you could contact me under the contact me link if you would like to help this little baby out, I could go out and buy things that Nelly needs.

Fairy Dust, Prayer and God's Power

Mon, 29 Sep 2008 00:00:00 GMT

These are my thought and believes you can agree or disagree, I just hope this gets you to think.

Shane Claiborne: "I remember hearing about an old comic strip... Two guys were talking to each other, and one of them says he has a question for God. He wants to ask why God allows all of this poverty and war and suffering to exist in the world. And his fried say, Well, why don't you ask him?' The fellow shakes his head and says that he is scared. When his friend asks why, he mutters, I'm scared God will ask me the same question"

Can one person end suffering, war and poverty? I don't think so, BUT when the Body of Christ links together and walk together anything is possible. Poverty, war and suffering are caused by the devil's foothold in people's lives.

When we are prayer warrior's, God shines through. There is something magical about the power of prayer. It's like fairy dust, sprinkle some on and really believe and soon you're flying! Prayer is talking to God, It doen't have to be fancy. It doesn't have to start with Dear God and end in Amen (which just means Yes.) God is your father so I think you can talk to God any way you want, people in the bible cursed and challenged God, Jesus used ordinary language not flowy poetic big words. I say talk to God the way you feel most connected to him, Just remember that he is also the creator of the universe.

Hey God,

I am amazed by you today. The way the sun warms up my bones and my spirit, reminds me that your love for me is deep and great. While my mind moves a mile a minute and I can't seem to stop and just relect on you so calm my mind and my spirit and take my burdens and rain on me your peace.

Bush Baby!

Tue, 23 Sep 2008 00:00:00 GMT

So, on Friday at 2:00 we took off for the bush. It was a very intense time for the team. We ate all our meals over an open fire, and had to cook our meals ourselves. It was absolutely freezing! One night it was 2 degrees. We had to 'get close' just to keep warm. We did this one activity where the leaders lead the students out to a open field blindfolded and put them on a circle of rope. We put them on a place on the rope and told them to find the end. The only way to put up your hand and ask for help.

The spiritual implications from this exercise were astounding. Some of the things talked about were how it was a metaphor for being saved, how they had to let go of the rope to ask for help, and how stubborn they really are. I was amazed at all the metaphors in that exercise.

Yesterday, I took my ministry group to our ministry, and it was amazing! Amanda, Jessica, and Victoria are in my group and our ministry in 7th Heaven Orphanage. It is one lady, Nelly, and 5 kids but another child is coming on Friday. The children are Linda 12, Tessa 10, Renaldo 8, Cornelius 6, and Oxa 2. We had so much fun just talking with Nelly and playing with the kids. I am so excited for what this ministry will bring. Nelly really wants us to redo her playroom. We want to paint it and put letters and numbers on the walls and bins for the toys. I need to figure out how to get money here for this need, but please pray about blessing a women of God.

J Bay

Thu, 18 Sep 2008 00:00:00 GMT

I wanted to write a quick blog to tell you that I made it safely to Africa. Unfortunately, there was drama, and 2 of the students and 2 leaders were not able to come with us because of Visa & Passport Drama. The two students should be in South Africa by tomorrow night, we are still waiting to see what will happen with the leaders.

Two nights ago we landed in J-Bay at like 9:30 at night. I didn't get to the house where I am staying for a week till like 11. Yesterday afternoon I ran some errands, which included buying a phone and a pillow.

So far everything is going well. I can't wait to get into a schedule so that things will kinda calm down a bit.

On Friday afternoon we leave for the bush till Sunday. It should be pretty darn cool.

Love,

Miracles

Sun, 14 Sep 2008 00:00:00 GMT

I sit in the Aim Office on the last day of training camp thinking about how tomorrow I will be in the air flying over to Africa. Where has the time gone? It seems like just a day ago I was leaving GA for a break at home.

I think of everything God has done this week, and am blown away. God has provided in ways I would not have even had thought possible. On September 10th, God reminded me of how much he loved me and how he provides for me and I don't need to worry. Aiden (my nephew) went to a neurologist to see if he had cerebral palsy (C.P) and to see if he has been having seizures. When he was 6 months old his doctor thought he had C. P but there was no way of knowing, it was a wait and see thing.

Well, on the 10th I got a text from my mom telling me that his C.P was extremely mild, and that they would have to do more tests to see about the seizures. That was such a huge answer to my prayers, and I believe that God has done a miracle in his life to get him to that point.

Even though God provided for me through a miracle, I don't need a miracle to believe!

In GA

Wed, 3 Sep 2008 00:00:00 GMT

Hello All! I am back in Georgia but only for a few weeks. I arrived yesterday at around noon. Today I am hanging out at Dave & Vicki's and tonight Leader Training starts with dinner at 6. I am excited to get started and figure out what this year is going to look like and see what responsibilites I will look like. I can't wait to get to Africa and get into a routine. I loved being home but never really got into a routine.

Now that I have got here it has really hit me that I am headed over to Africa in 12 days. I am excitied and nervous at the same time. I am determined not to worry or stress and just take this transition period one day at a time. My God has always provided for me and he will continue to be faithful. Like the Starfield song says "I don't need a miracle to believe", God's faithfulness is enough.

I can't wait to get started and see where God is taking me. I know this is where I am supposed to be.

Mailing Address

Mon, 1 Sep 2008 00:00:00 GMT

Here is my mailing address for when I will be in Jeffreys Bay:

PO Box 921

Jeffrey's Bay, South Africa 6330

Captivating Beauty

Tue, 12 Aug 2008 00:00:00 GMT

I have been working at Wal-Mart this summer to pad up my bank account before I head over to Africa. I get a whole hour off for lunch, I only need a hour so I spend the rest of the time reading the book Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge . I have heard that this book is amazing by many of my friends, but I am not one to follow the crowd so I became resolute about not reading it.

Once I started reading it, I realized the real gem that it is. It is a wonderful book and I encourage you to read it. It is like Wild at Heart for a woman. They go into a women's heart and the desires that God has put in that heart. I have been learning how important beauty is to women. Beauty is more than just vanity. Beauty is something that God gave every woman. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL! God made you Beautiful. Beauty is in all of us, we do not have to wear make-up, have clear skin, wear the right clothes, or even wear clothes that match. Beauty is in your heart. Women long for Beauty, they want to be beautiful. God placed that desire in their hearts.

The thing that we do not realize is that we are already beautiful. God gave all women beauty. We have let our culture bury our beauty underneath all the magazines, super models, television, and the internet. We believe the commercials that we need this to look beauty; we cannot be beautiful without this or that. We believe this not because the marketing is so good, but because we have believed the lies that we have learned from previous experiences, that our hurts and heartaches have taught us. We let the lies steal away our beauty.

We are beautiful. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL! You are beautiful not because of what you have done and not because of your appearance but because you have the fingerprints of God all over you.

Home

Wed, 23 Jul 2008 00:00:00 GMT

It's interesting being home. It is so easy for me to slip back into my previous life style. I've been really busy working full time and babysitting my nephew. I am getting super excited about going to Africa. Yesterday I went to the doctor and got all my stuff done for my visa. Things are going fast and I feel like I'm behind on everything. But I am getting things done and checking things off my list. I will head out for Georgia around Sept. 2nd.

Thought I would just let you know what is going on, Hope your days are well.

Looking Ahead

Sat, 21 Jun 2008 00:00:00 GMT

I set here, in my bed on a lazy Saturday trying to figure out where this year went to. God never makes like simple or easy (well at least for me he doesn't) but it is sure worthwhile and full of love and undiscovered mysteries. When I think back on this year I think of it like the movie National Treasure, there were a lot of bumps and twists, and the road was hard, exciting, and exhausting but the reward was sure worth it.

On Monday at 11:00am I head down with some of the kids with my youth group to a camp in North Carolina. I will be there until Saturday. Please pray for Ashley King and I as we try and make a last impact on these kids lives, and bring them closer to Christ. I am nervous and excited for what this week will bring.

On June 30th through July 8th I am the only intern left in Gainesville and working in the office.

On July 8th my mom flys down, and upon spending a few days in GA. We will make our way back home to Lincoln, Ne.

I will start working at Walmart on the 17th of July.

On July 19th my parents and brother leave for a two week vacation and it is my main responsibility to watch my nephew basically from 7am - 4pm while my sister is at school, and then probably work in the evenings.

Hopefully on August 26th, after only being home for 45 days. I will fly back to GA to help out in the office before the new interns come in.

On Sept. 3rd- Leader Training will start for the Awakening

On Sept 9th- The Kids will come in

and On Septh 15th- I will head off to Africa - that is only a mere 87 days from now I will board a plane for Africa and plan to be away for 9 months.

As you can imagine i will probably be pretty busy starting on Monday and so I might not get the chance to blog like I should. Please pray: that I can get everything done like I need to, that i can have a good time home with family, and for safety and health in my travels.

OH, and PRAISE THE LORD- I have paid of this year and am now working on getting in the $4,000 I need for next year.

These Days

Thu, 19 Jun 2008 00:00:00 GMT

I woke up this morning to the realization that 3 of my teammates and leader are off to other countries all over the globe, sharing the love of God and discipling high school students. Last night I prayed for them and hugged them and said Goodbye for 61 days. Of course, it is nice that this is not a complete goodbye and I know them that I will see them soon but it is still a while, it is still hard. It is still goodbye. It will never be the same again. I will never live with these three girls again. I will never work in the office with them as interns. The program is over.

I don't know what to say. I think right now I am just trying to process.

My Baby & Team

Fri, 6 Jun 2008 00:00:00 GMT

Aiden is my nephew. I love him to pieces, I can't wait to go home and hug & kiss him, and get to play with him. He is an absolute sweetheart and for the most part a good baby. Lately though his doctors have been worried about him. He has gone to a Physical Therapist since Christmas, then he couldn't hold his head up straight amd while he can now do that, he is not where he needs to be physically.

Last Thursday he went to a Pediatrican and he told us that he might have had a stroke or a hemorrage. So, on Wednesday morning he was put to sleep and had an MRI done on his brain. We got the results on it a couple of night ago and it was perfectly normal. So while that means that he did not have a stroke or hemorrage, it makes cerebral palsy a possibility.

Please keep his mom & dad (Amy & Nic) , and grandma & grandpa (Mary & Al) in your prayers and of course Aiden.

Here is a video of my team this year. Hopefully I should have one up of my ministry this year.

Looking Toward the End

Sat, 31 May 2008 00:00:00 GMT

My time here in Georgia is coming to a close. It is hard to believe that I have been down here for almost 10 months. I have grown so much and enjoyed getting to know my team as well as the wonderful people at AIM. While I do have a month left, some of my teammates will leave to lead trips in a couple weeks. Becca will lead a trip to the Dominican Republic. Ashley Hall is leading a trip to Ireland. And Seth is leading a trip to Swaziland.

Here is what my summer looks like:

June 8th - 10th - - - Debrief up in the Mountains
June 23rd - June 28th - - - Camp with Kids from Youth Group
July 8th - July 10th - - - Hang out with my Mom in GA
July 10th - July 12th - - - Drive Home
July 19th - July 27th - - - Start Work at Walmart while babysitting Aiden
August 1st - - - My Birthday
August 20th - - - Aiden's Birthday
August 25th - Sept. 3rd - - - In GA helping in the office
Sept. 3rd - Sept. 15th - - - Training Camp
Sept. 15th ???? - - - Fly out to Africa

It will be a pretty busy time but I think it will be enjoyable. I am looking forward to helping out at home and getting to spend time with Aiden. Though I know I will miss GA, though I'm not gone to long. :)

Crawl in God's Lap!

Sat, 17 May 2008 00:00:00 GMT

My father love to play the guitar, it is one of his favorite hobbies.It is not an unusual occurence to hear worship music coming from some part in the house whenever my father is home. When my nephew (Aiden) was born my father got in the habit of playing to Aiden and with Aiden on his lap. The problem is when Aiden got old enough he thought he should help my father by putting his fingers on the strings to and trying to bite the guitar. Which became a bit of a problem so my father became less willing to have Aiden on his lap.

But now Aiden has learned how to crawl, well kinda. So now when my father plays the guitar Aiden crawls right over and trys to climb into his lap. He wants that time back with my father. Just wants to sit on his lap and cuddle up to him and eat his guitar.

I have been doing the same thing, well not trying to crawl into my dad's lap but my heavenly father's. It has been a rough week and at the end of this week the only thing that I have energy to do is crawl into my father's lap and cuddle up to him (though I don't try and eat his guitar) and listen to the songs that he sings over me.

God just waits for us to crawl into his lap, he just wants to cuddle. He can't help us if we don't come to him.

Hello Unknown!

Mon, 12 May 2008 00:00:00 GMT

"Cuz you're my, you're my, my true love, my whole heart
Please don't throw that away
Cuz I'm here for you
Please don't walk away,
Please tell me you'll stay, stay

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all"
Guardian Angel by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

I have no idea where my life is headed, but you know what I am okay with that fact. I have never been one to embrace the unknown, in fact I have always kind of avoided it. Maybe it has to do with my OCD/control freak tendecies, but I won't excuse myself based on my personality.

I feel like I have made giant leaps this year, God has blessed me with a spirit of peace that only he could provide.

I look at the bright side, no longer quiver in the dark. I think of my life as a uncharted map ready for adventure, not that I need to have every detail arranged.

Caleb, my teamate, had to leave tongiht to go home due to sickness. While it is sad for him to leave, I will not let Satan get me down. God has a plan for him and everything will work out in due time. I don't need to know God's plans, I don't need to have a map. I just take God's hand and go on this walk called life. It is so much more peaceful, I feel better (both spiritually and physically). I honestly belief everything will work out, I definitely could not say that a year and a half ago, but everything will work out. Keep holding on, keep faith, things will turn around, God will give you a glimpse of him and it will be more beautiful then you could have every imagined.

I will leave you with my new favorite verse, "So take a new grip with your tired hands and stand firm on your shaky legs." Heb. 12:12

Sacrifce is a part of life, and uncertainty makes us stronger.

It's my life

Sat, 3 May 2008 00:00:00 GMT

I have a habit, well actually I have tons of habits but I want to share with you about one habit. When I'm reading a book and I find a quote I like I write it in the back of my journal. So, this week I was taking the time to write the quotes from one of my favorite books into my journal and I came across that spoke to me so truly about our culture.

I feel that people are always looking to please people, whether consciously or subconsciously. We want people to like us, we want to feel accepted. We live our lives in a fashion that they are never truly ours but mere vessels to get approval and acceptance.

"Here are some signs that I am failing to take responsibility for my own life:

I am overly eager to please. I find myself looking for others to validate my choices.
I can't decide. I lack clarity on what it is that I truly think is right or good or even enjoyable. I waver and hesitate to commit.
I am anxious. A little criticism from the wrong source leaves me feeling defeated.
I lack integrity. Instead of freely saying what I believe, I calculate and adjust my words to fit more closely with what I think the other person wants to hear. "

From Love Beyond Reason by John Ortberg pg. # 82

I think if you look closely at that list and think about your own life there are ways that we all aren't living our own lives. So, what is the key to living our own life? How do we do that? What steps do we take to make that happen?

Well . . .

We live our lives with Jesus in our sights. We keep our eyes locked on him. When we are in a situation, when we have to make a choice, we need to think (I know this is cliche) but how would Jesus react? What would he want me to do in this situation? What is the best way I can respond to bring glory to God?

I think the key to living your own life is to figure out why you are on this earth. If you are on this earth just to be rich and happy, then forget what I said. But if you know there is more to this life then meaningless dawdling, then take this to heart. Look deep inside and see, How am I not living my own life? How am I living this life for only me? And ask the one who is supposed to be your focus how to change.

I want to be clear. My life is Jesus'. My life is not my own but God's. I just thought that I should write this blog, because I feel that this is a big issue in the Church.

What is God's work?

Tue, 22 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT

"What is the work of God? It is simply to see what Jesus would see if he were looking through my eyes, and respond as he would respond."

"The main place you do the work of God is as you go along. It doesn't have to be in high-profile, important positions. It will happen, if it happens at all, in the routine, unspectacular corners of your life. As you go along."

I had a friend last year who constantly drilled it in us that the great commission (Matt. 16:14-18) said in your going preach the good news. So, GO unto your world. In your
routine, in your every day, see those divine appointments and take that step of faith. Be courageous and trust that God will give you the words to say.

I'll Shave my Head

Fri, 18 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT

I read a blog recently from Mary Kate Martin. She recently shaved her hair for St. Baldricks, which raises money for the Cancer Foundation. She wrote about it changed her whole outlook on beauty and self-image.

So . . .

I have decided that if I get $2,500 in my support account (in pledges and gifts) by June 10th, then I will shave my head. While I LOVE my hair I feel like this would be a good opportunity to grow and stretch myself and become a better person. I think this will help me rely on God and trust in him even more. Plus, I think it will show me my identity in Christ and how God sees me as beautiful.

To support me click on the link in my Main Menu that says "Support Me!."

My Beautiful Hair

Roller Coaster part 2

Tue, 15 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT

So, I officially have 14 minutes till I have to leave for work but I just felt like I really needed to put something up today. I found a verse that really hits me where I am at it is Psalms 56:3-4 "When I am afraid I will put my trust in You my God, whose word I praise, in God I have put my trust; I shall NOT be afraid. What can mere men do to me?

What can mere men do to me? On the roller coaster, a ton mere men can dictate my emotion and my life when I live by emotion. But when I live in the spirit? Men can do nothing to me. I was told last night that the key to staying off the roller coaster is having that daily God time. I personally believe that God time can look like almost anything, but I think what is key to living in the spirit is spending some time every morning giving your day and agenda to God and praying through your schedule with God. I know that it helps me keep my mind where it needs to be.

Another wonderful key is to give yourself little reminders. In small group we made these post-it notes of verses of encouragement to post around our apartment. So, now wherever we go in our apartment we are reminded of why we are here.

I am just trying to live day to day, in the spirit and not on the roller coaster.

Stop the Roller Coaster . . . I want off

Thu, 10 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT

This last couple of days have been very eye-opening. We spent a night with the World Racers who are in training for going out in July. They were out in Unicoi State Park camping. We spent Wednesday night out with them, and stayed in their squirrel's nests. After work we headed over and got there after dinner. We looked around a little and took some pictures, then headed back for their worship/surrender time.

I learned about living in the Spirit. How in Romans 6, 7 & 8 it talks about dieing to sin & the law. We no longer live by our flesh or a set of rules, but then where does that leave us? Well in Romans 8 it talks about living in the spirit. When we are in tune with the Spirit we do what we are supposed to do, and that is how we get the abundant life that Jesus talks about.

I have also been learning about community, laying all your junk and problems at the feet of the people you trust and that love you. Then, proclaiming forgiveness for them and accepting your identity in Christ.

I know this probably doesn't make any sense. But this is it. I also just got back from a wonderful vacation back home in Nebraska. I was back April 1st - April 8th. During that time I got to hug my nephew Aiden and attend my teammate from my Engand FYM Stephanie.

I know, I wish, I dream

Wed, 19 Mar 2008 00:00:00 GMT

My team! It astounds me to think that 6 completely different people from completely different backgrounds and I don't care what you say guys, but most of us would not be friends or even talk to each other if not for God's divine will. God wanted us all here, isn't that amazing! God handpicked my roommates and friends. If I would have thought of it I would have prayed fervently for these wonderful people before I came, but of course my flurried mind did not think about it.

I'm not the type of person who makes friends easily or really gets to know everyone. It is just not in my nature, no matter how much I wish it was I know that I am (in the true sense of the word) an introvert. I don't really like to get to know strangers. I would rather know one person really well then fifty people kind of well. I'm not sure what God was thinking calling a person like me to (at least a season) of missions work, but don't doubt God. So when he said jump, I jumped. So, here I am in Gainesville, GA with probably yet another year of missions work ahead of me. Yet another year of just following what God wants me to do and just following his course.

I just want to do what God's will is, whatever that may be. I am willing to die for Christ but I am willing to do the even harder things living for him. I will let my actions speak louder than my words. I will preach the gospel and if necessary use words. I will listen to what other people have to say and try and look past what they are saying to what they are meaning and the pain and struggle behind those words. I will try not to complain and try to get past this darn old flesh of mine the point that this life is not about me, it's about them, whoever that them might be.

This was not the blog that I was going to write, I was going to write about my trip to NYC and I will, trust me to much happened not to pen it away. But for now this on my heart so I will share with you my pursuit of God and prayers of what my life looks like. It could be college a job, it could be missions, it could be a carnival worker for all I know, but I trust and I know that what God has for me is best and hope that I will follow the course that God has set out for me. I hope you wish the same.