Waiting

Did you know that when Pharaoh let the people go “God did not led them by the way of the land of the Philistines, although that was nearer” cause God didn‘t want the Israelites fear to turn them around he wanted to get them to the promised land. He took them through the desert, to keep them on their path because “This is the God who, precisely loves his children, refuses to take the shortcut they would much prefer. Because of their lack of faith, their fear, he sends them on the roundabout way.”

I think in my own time I have begun to notice this. I have got to a place in my life & looked back and realized that I would have never have made it here on my own, I would never have dreamed of ever going here, but since I look the long way I was able to do it. It does bother me that I don’t know what I’m doing next year, that when July comes around I don’t know where I’ll be going or what I’ll be doing. I can’t stand the uncertainty, but if I knew where I was going I probably would never make it there. I would clam up and not let the changes that need to take place happen. God loves me so much he keeps me in the dark.

“God has not forgotten me. I have not been abandoned. He leads his children in roundabout ways. He is not in a hurry.” God walks me through the deserts of my life, so I can get where I need to be. ‘Cause even though “I feel like I’m doing worse than ever. I’m falling all over the place. The fact is, I’m growing. I just don’t know it.” The only way I’m going to grow is if I walk through that awful desert.

I’ve seen my share of deserts. I feel like that has been my life, desert after desert. Sometimes I feel abandoned, I can’t feel God’s presence and I’m not getting anything out of the word. It’s even got to the point where I’ve had to decide if I was going to follow a God who never shows himself. If I’m gonna be constantly searching for a God, I might not ever ‘find’. (I’m not saying God wasn’t there, cause he was. I’m not saying that I was doing the best job searching, or that I was listening as well as I should have been. I’m just saying what I was feeling.) But I decided to keep clinging to God, keep searching, keep knocking, keep praying when my prays seemed to bounce of the ceiling.

God is always with me, always whispering “I still love you. I could not more than I do now. I still want you for my child. Haven’t you learned? You are the object of my undying affection. You are the beloved.” That’s why when I reach the end of my rope, God extends it. When I can’t go on any longer not feeling God, he touches me. When I am to the point where I can’t keep going not hearing God’s voice, he sings to me. God takes me to the end of myself, so that I have to lean on him. ‘Cause “to be loved when we are feeling unlovely, unlovable- that’s life to someone who’s dying. That’s grace.”
I don’t know what I’m going to do next year. I don’t know where my life is going to led. I don’t know if I’ll ever get married, but that’s okay. I’ve got my God and he knows enough for the both of us. He’ll led me where he wants me to go, he has better plans for me than I could have.